What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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