i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
