Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
