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I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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