Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
