So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
