She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
