I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
