I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
