If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
