is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
