i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
These tits shall not be calmed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
