I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
