I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Quick, to the slutcave!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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