Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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