well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
