well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
