I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
