I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
