so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
