Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
