he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
