If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
