I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
