Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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