wat bout pragnant strippers??
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You pole danced in your parka.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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