Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
