whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
