Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
