david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
