there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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