i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
