Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
my liver is dry heaving
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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