He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
