I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
