By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Randomize
