He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
did i just pee glitter
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
