I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
