I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
