i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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