I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you are never too drunk for berry picking
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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