The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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