i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She needs sedatives and a leash
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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