After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
