Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
