I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You left your phone here
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