Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
