On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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