What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
