so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
