i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
