I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
