I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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