A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just gargled with NyQuil
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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